Theodore Webb
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A "good" deal? Stranger flashes cash; offers "only key"

11/28/2016

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A Stranger we never saw set foot once in our state strides confidently into our restaurant.

"I love you guys!" the Stranger says, flashing a thick wad of cash.

"I love you so much I've got a penthouse full of gold waiting just for you! I can take you there!" 

"That sounds great!" we say. "Take us there!" 

"I'll take you there," he says. "But..."

"But what?!" 

"The penthouse full of gold has a lock that takes a very special key. It's the only key that can possibly open the door for you."

"Who has the key? We want it!"

"Your neighbor whose family doesn't go back 100 years and who is terrible has the key! I saw him picking fruit for your restaurant. But then I saw him swallow your key!"

The eyes of the Stranger shift in tune with our eyes to the knife sitting on the restaurant counter. 

"I've got a great idea!" the Stranger flashing all the cash says. 

"Why don't you take that knife laying out there on the counter, and go cut your key out of your neighbor's stomach? Everything bad that ever happened is all his fault you know. For swallowing the key." 

"What a great idea!" we say, thinking about the gold in the penthouse. "But you know that sounds like kind of messy work, and we have to manage our restaurant. Our workers have been mysteriously disappearing, so looks we'll have to cut up the fruit ourselves to sell it. Can you hire someone else to kill our neighbor, cough, we mean "get" the key for us?" 

"Sure I can!" says the Stranger with a big smile. "I know a hitman! He doesn't work cheap, but if you hand over all your restaurant wages to me, then I can convince him to do it. I make great deals all the time!" 

"That sounds great!" we say happily handing this Stranger we never met before in our lives all our money. "Let us know when our neighbor's dead, and we can pick up our key!" 

"Sure thing!" he says, giving us a clever wink. "It's for the best, you know. Hacking your neighbor to death is the only possible way you can ever possibly get your hands on that special key. And when it's all over, and you're in your penthouse with all your gold, you'll certainly be great!"
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